Yogi's Travelogues- I

One of my colleagues recently remarked that my passport pages resembled that of those where a child is given a rubber stamp and a free reign to stamp as and where he wants. It made me think, if I could share a few of those stamps with you all.

One of my oldest incidences is that at Perth airport. Between my maiden international flight to Singapore and the next one to Perth, Australia; I was grounded for almost 2 years. Just recently, I had made a 12 day whirlwind trip to Europe and that also meant that I had to travel to Perth to close some loose ends of a business deal.

For the people who don't me that well, it's always my quest to live the life of locals and find the underbelly of that city. It does not mean that I would need to experience it first hand but it's has been my endeavour and remains till date ... to understand the undercurrents so that it becomes a part of my growing up lesson.

Qantas Airlines dropped me at Perth at around 7.30 pm. It's about a 4 hours direct flight from Singapore and is effectively located in the same time zone. Australia immigration is way too obsessed with what you are bringing in and there are huge sign boards on what you can get in and what you can't. Essentially, all food items are a no no .. and in a nutshell, you better carry only freshly washed and ironed clothes. Even the dirt on the soles of your shoes is unwelcome. More about such an incident later .

I was more than  extra careful not to carry any eatables with me. In those days, I was not a big fan of having breakfast but most hotels had a hot water kettle. I was in the habit of carrying a 3-in-1 sachets of Nescafe' which was my fall back at any time in Singapore. As I stepped out of immigration, I was accosted by some blue uniform police who asked me to step aside. They throughly interrogated me for about 20 mins about what I am carrying etc. It was only much later I realised that I am carrying those 3-in-1 sachets which included coffee, milk and sugar and that I could be in serious trouble since I had declared that I was not carrying any of such things especially dairy products. 10 mins later I was taken to a secluded room. A form was given and again I was asked to self certify that I was not carrying any contraband items. I was traveling only for a couple of days and hence had only a small cabin baggage with me. No check in baggage. I was asked if I had packed the baggage myself or was it possible that someone had tampered with my bag without my knowledge. Everything was supposed to be put in writing and my trembling hands made it worse than a doctors prescription. Later they bought a screening machine and scanned me from head to toe and each time it showed neon blue. I was stripped off my clothes one by one and finally I was as naked as I was born. Still the neon blue remained in the room. They left me alone in that room, stark naked with my carry on bag conveniently placed at my arms length. The security cameras were boring a hole in my back. The security personnel were inconspicuous by their absence but I could sense that they were watching my every move. As against my won't, I quickly rummaged through my bag. Nothing but 3 sachets of the coffee mix. I checked the chor pockets even and not a thing. It did not take my not so mature but an agile mind to figure out that this had to do much more than just the 3 sachets. I gestured to the camera and pronto those burly guards walked back in. I told them that they have to tell me what they are holding me back for. By then, I had found some new found confidence. You could also call it a "nothing to lose attitude". Finally they said that their scanners showed that I was carrying marijuana or cannabis but they were not able to locate anything on me. It was only then that I today them that I was coming straight out of Amsterdam and that could be the reason.

Amsterdam is a possibly the sin capital of the world. It's always called as such but my toss up has always been between Amsterdam and Bangkok (a big debate which I intend to settle in one of my blogs). Cannabis or Hashish as we know it in India, is freely available in Amsterdam. So much so that they have regular coffee shops like our CCD etc serve variety of rolled joints as cheap as Rs. 100. I have had a numerous escapades at this but let me come back to Perth first. They scanned my clothes and my wallet. More than 500 gms of cannabis was sticking to it !! Don't you ask where i was and what I was doing a few days before. If i was in Singapore, probably they would have given me a capital punishment.

There was no way that the authorities would let me leave with those clothes and cash. My bag, clothes, wallet and money was sent for incernation and I walked out with some sterilised clothes provided by the security. This was a 4 hours ordeal.
By the time I stepped out, it was almost 11.30 pm and the entire terminal was shut. Having traveled to Europe a week before, I found it extremely strange. The whole place was entirely desolate. The kind of airports that we are used to nowadays that are bustling and bursting at the seams even way past midnight was not such a common thing in 1998. Besides, Perth was what you would term as a laidback gaon back then. Actually I went there multiple times in the next 15 years and nothing much had changed. So maybe we can call it the Goa of Australia. Susegad  ...
Spotted a lone janitor sweeping the floors around midnight. Ah btw ... this is pre mobile phone era. So my contact who was supposed to pick me up had long gone back. I borrowed a few cents from the janitor to call out from a pay phone but what I had was the office landline number. No answer. Spent the night at the airport bench. Ya ... no spa .. no lounge.. for all you inquisitive frequent flyers. Only the next day I could connect with my customer and he came to pick me up from the airport. I was in some hospital clothes but thankfully all went well. A lesson learnt. Please wash your clothes before you move to another country

Another incident that comes to mind is from Nairobi. Nairobi is the capital of Kenya and about 1600 ft about sea level. It was under the British rule and got freed around the 60's. Though it's one of the busiest business cities of Africa, it remains very poor and the citizens still live under extreme poverty. So much so, that most of them find their intoxication in sniffing burnt glue. Must try that someday.

I was told about all this before I went there. My contact there was Yogesh bhai. Yeah my namesake. Nairobi being a table land much above sea level, the weather there all year around is amazing. 9 to 24 deg all year around. I was warned to keep all my "belongings" back home and come. I dutifully met Yogesh bhai at the airport and we went to the expo at the World Trade Centre (WTC)  right away.

What a breath of fresh air it was. Not even our Darjeeling would beat that. I had not been there though. Just assuming. A wonderfully sunny and yet an aircon day it was. WTC was guarded by a dozen of machine gun holding army men and it left me wondering why that was required in this beautiful scenic land.

A few hours later, my smoking bug struck me and I was out my lights for once. I strolled out and I was frisked. There was this shop I could see right across the road. Maybe a 100 metres away on a 2 way busy street.  Only a smoker can understand the joy of having his lungs filled with worthless tar on a day of pure oxygen. And then there I was .. I crossed the road to buy my expensive puff ever. As soon as I bought my pack and lit the exilir of life, I was accosted by 2 men probably about 7 feet tall. They had a huge knife and they robbed me of my watch, my wallet and every other money I had in currency; none of which was a lot. I was warned and hence my watch as well as currency was notional. 2 mins later, I was confronted by another bunch of 5 mean looking or so, 7ft guys !! I felt like laughing. I mean.. do they take turns or what ? Besides, I had nothing to give. They heard me chuckle and got more angry and agitated. They thought that the Levis jeans and branded shirt was worth more and then the trade off was just that ... my jeans, shirt and shoes. They even remarked how stupid the earlier duo was not to take these.
4 pm .. naked .. twice now in 2 years.. surely I did not deserve this!! This time, atleast I had my briefs in place.

Right at that time, next to me I saw  ..  .. Saraswati Impex.
I just darted in.


From the name I knew that it had to be a shop belonging to a person of Indian origin. I started blabbering in Hindi the moment I  ran in. Never before was I so happy to see Indian faces in my life. I was so incoherent that it took minutes for the staff to settle me down. In the meanwhile, they had called for their owner to come to the shop. For some strange reason the seemingly 7 ft giants lurked around outside the shop but feared coming in. That this episode happened at 4 pm in broad daylight, in midst of a bustling business district had knocked the living  daylights out of me. It took about 10 mins for the owner Mehta bhai to come in and I was yet to regain my composure. I still remember the face of Mehta bhai and I wonder how I could go back to him ever again and repay my gratitude. He quickly got me a T shirt and shorts and allowed me a dabble at neat black coffee. Only then I sobered down from the events of last 20 mins. He let me use his 2 heavily armed bodyguards who then dutifully dropped me at the WTC. I got a huge lecture from Yogesh bhai who kept on reminding me that I was warned not to pull off such stunts. It was only later when I went to a heavily guarded palatial bungalow of Yogesh bhai for dinner that night that I realised how dire the situation was. Most of the business and hence money is run by Indians or some foreigners and the locals are just at their mercy. A ciggie that proved too costly and almost cost me my life.
I should have quit smoking back then come to think of it . A costly lesion never learnt. But then I heard someone say ...
If you are not living on the edge then you are  occupying more space. "

Watch this space for more....